I'm starting to suspect that I really did something wrong to her. Why else would she avoid me all these years.

And when I tried to reconnect, all I got was a lousy "tnx".

Maybe I'm imagining it, I really hope I am. Pity that we were so close back then.

Yesterday, I had the most unenviable task of telling a scout that I can't let him join the outfit anymore.

By all rights he should have been dropped weeks ago, a year ago even. If pressed, I could show our records which implicitly states that he's gone way beyond the maximum limit of absences. And when he does show up, he's either an hour late or more.

He was actually already dropped last quarter, but he pestered me for awhile through text asking for one last chance. I believe if we were face to face that time, I'd see him on the floor groveling. I relented and had a meeting with him. All my colleagues and officers told me I was crazy to even listen to him. Why should I be fair after all? The time for being nice and merciful was long due past. It's not like we're the bad guys here. He doesn't show up and still wants to be part of the scout basketball team and get a passing grade? Can we say "kapal"?

So we met and struck an agreement. Against my better judgment, I continued to let him be part of the outfit with strict regulations. The basics were he wouldn't have the alloted privileges given to the others since he's already a special case. He can't even be late for 1 meeting and he agreed. Also I expect him to at least reach 40 hours of community service by the end of the year.

Looking back now I wished I hadn't made that deal. Not because I kicked him out yesterday but merely because it was just delaying the inevitable. Aside from attending the troop meetings and basketball practice, the dumbass had the balls to join the cheering team. I told him pointedly that it was a dumb decision and it would be better for him to drop either the basketball or cheering but he kept assuring me he could do it. I didn't believe it then and I guess it's my fault partly that I didn't order him to do so.

He showed up yesterday an hour late with a lame excuse of having to wait for his white t-shirt to dry from the wash. Even if I do believe the ridiculous image of him having only 1 white shirt in his entire closet, we still had a deal. No lates, no absences. To break the agreement on the 1st day of the 2nd quarter clearly shows he wasn't even taking his precarious position seriously. Were we officers too accommodating last year that the mentality of our members is "I can be late or be in the wrong attire as long as I show up, they'll forgive us anyway"?

As I was telling him there's really nothing else I can do for him, that his best option right now would be to concentrate on the cheering team, I was actually speaking to him in a normal voice. And some part of me actually pitied him, which was really out of the ordinary. With everything he's done, or hasn't done, I ought to be shouting at him, or experiencing a he-had-it-coming smug feeling. But no, it was a real unpleasant task telling someone they're out. Being a dumbass withstanding.

There were long silences and I struggled to meet him eye to eye. Small mercy that he kept looking at the floor. I didn't want my eyes to show that I was sorry for him. I just can't believe someone would intentionally fuck up after begging for a last chance. In the end I just told him that was that and I'm not changing my mind.

I pray he'll be the last one I'll be having that talk with. Frak knows there's a lot of other guys who could easily end up just like him. If some do actually follow his footsteps, then my next prayer would be that hopefully the talking gets easier each time.

On the lighter side of things, this whole experience showed me I can never be a big powerful business executive who fires his underlings without blinking.

I hate the feeling of being pissed.

More so when I just woke up and it's the first emotion I'm emanating.

Woke up on my own close close to 7:40, which was quite late considering I have to take a bath and eat whatever food I can down in the few minutes before I leave for work.

It wouldn't be the first time this happened, morons at home with nothing to do and they can't even do something as simple as waking someone at the correct time.

Just thinking about it makes me wanna kick something.

Then I learn that our building's surrounded by water on all sides. Judging from the looks of it, I won't be showing up for work til the wee hours of the night. Doesn't matter then whether I woke up on time or not.

So I or they dodged the bullet due to the interference of weather, and logic states I should probably let it go. Same result whatsoever anyway right? Well I can't. I don't know why but I'm still completely angry at the whole thing. Damn worthless shmucks.

Oh yeah, mom just hit me with another thing to pay for this coming payday. As if I don't have enough on my plate already. Can't wait for the day I stop working and be the cancer on this family. See how they like it.

The past few days at work has been a breeze. My 3 VGH would attest to that.

So I decided to wear my Queuing polo again.

Short recap. I have this red polo which for some unknown reason, starts a massive call queue every time I wear it for work.

So tonight, either the good luck holds or my polo's curse would ruin everyone's evening.

Aftermath: Reasonable queue. But a new KI suddenly came out of nowhere. Conclusion? Though not as lethal as before, the damn polo is still cursed.

Last Saturday while playing DOTA, I must have fidgeted too much in my seat that without me knowing, my wallet fell to the floor.

I dunno how long it was on the floor, one of the roving attendants found it and tapped me on the shoulder to catch my attention. I told him thanks and went on playing.

Now it just dawned on me how close I came to losing my wallet again. My sleep deprived brain could not process the significance of the action at that time, probably too busy processing the high staked game.

Such a fortunate thing that an honest guy walked behind me instead of a scum. I shudder at the thought of having to deal with banks to reissue a stolen ATM card and the likes. I'd probably tear my hair off in frustration.

Thank you honest-lanshop-attendant-whose-name-I-didn't-get.

I don't get the Olympics.

I mean, yes. It's an ancient contest originated by the Greeks. It's done every 4 years and whoever wins a gold gives his/her country considerable honor.

But aside from that, I just don't get the rage over it.

Why would I watch different people compete on something? I mean, it's ok I guess. I sure don't as hell would scream and jump around if a fellow countryman won. I probably would if the winner was a relative or a friend.

Never been a huge sports nut. That must be it I guess.

If you skimp on sleep, does it shorten your lifespan like when you smoke a cigarette? I certainly hope not. I eat right and does the occasional exercise. I don't smoke and only drink during special days.

After work, slept for only an hour before going to the Promanade for the group's teambuilding. They sang on the videoke machine while us guys worked on the San Mig Lights.

2 hours of being cramped into the hot confines of that videoke room, I raced to SM San Lazaro for our Dota PPV. Was supposed to play only 4 games but the bastards were so serious all of em went by so quickly. Ended up playing a total of 6 games.

We then went to Karate Kid for dinner and my cough came back with a vengeance from laughing non-stop.

Would have been a perfect day if it weren't for some Scout problems to finish.

I know when I woke up tomorrow I'll recoil at the manner of my post, but fuck that, bed's waiting.

I seem to be on a self destructive streak, at least work wise anyway.

3 days ago I went to work without sleep due to accompanying the scrabble team to the tourney. A sign of grace from above gave us VGH which I gladly took.

Yesterday for no good reason, maybe feeling lazy and not up to it, I took another VGH.

Tonight, having watched the first part of Battle of Red Cliffs before grudgingly going to work, I'm left anxious to finish the darn movie. So yes, I took another VGH.

3 VGH's in a week, plus the 2 sick leaves I took last week equals a really low paycheck this coming payday.

And do I care? I honestly don't. I mean, there's the silent alarm in that corner of my brain but the majority is apathetic.

Why should I care anyway? It's not like I get to save what I earn. Mom takes a huge cut then there's the new tuition contribution for my sister. Those 2 alone already takes half of my paycheck! Then I have to set some aside for transporation and daily food. What's left is too pitiful to even mention.

I really don't mind contributing to the house. But most of the time I find myself wondering if what's being bought or paid is actually worth it, or even needed. If say the situation was like 4 years ago, where achie was the only one with real work and we operated on a shoe string budget, I wouldn't mind giving all to the family. It was essential. It was needed.

Now 2 of us are working and though not rich, we're comfortable. Does that stop everyone from buying frivolous stuffs? I actually believe that period of hardship actually created a monster in mom. She now operates on a "Buy it coz we couldn't before but now we can" mindset.

Perhaps my point of view is biased and I'm just being greedy. But there's something definitely wrong with working your ass off and not seeing the fruits of your labor.